the function of loss

Mika Aldaba
3 min readDec 28, 2022

This year, I resolved to live courageously while still being hopeful, because courage is born out of hope. — Jae-Hoon Won

Are you facing insurmountable loss and feeling like you’ll never see the light at the end of the tunnel ever again? No matter what it is you lost last year, whatever it is you’re still trying to get over, I wish that this helps you. And to those who won big, I hope you are able to show grace to the grieving.

Here is how I am dealing with my loss, my biggest life lesson so far.

First of all, realize that behind all this suffering, there is also gratitude that you had something great. The pain of loss is proportional to the joy of having had it. The people who have lost the most end up becoming the most grateful. They know how to appreciate what is still there.

Second, the fear of the loss is almost as bad as the loss itself. Although difficult, being afraid of a loss doesn’t usually prevent the loss. Ironically, it oftentimes ends up manifesting it. Just like investors could cause a recession.

The more you lose, the more painful it feels.

But then, a funny thing happens.

If you are in denial about a loss so that you don’t feel the pain, you won’t move forward. Don’t be afraid of the feeling. The more pain you go through in life, the more your tolerance for pain increases.

With the bigger capacity for pain, you’re able to take bigger risks because you know you’ll be able to withstand the potential failures.

And with higher risks come higher rewards.

If you recently went through a loss, or are afraid of loss in 2023, calm down. Even though it’s not apparent now, you are learning something from the loss.

In machine learning, there is something called a loss function. It’s a kind of algorithm for measuring how accurate a model is by comparing the difference between the prediction and actual value.

Imagine that you are training your model for going through life which is full of Pain, Uncertainty and Hard Work. Those are 3 things that you are sure to encounter according to the therapist Stutz. Watch the documentary on Netflix as recommended to me by my manager.

Will you go through life playing safe? Or will you play to grow? Live life and collect data for your life model.

In the upcoming year, I’ll knock on every door until I get a yes. I will take ten times more risks than I have before. Tomorrow is a gigantic leap of faith into the unknown. If you’re afraid of taking it, know that I’m right there beside you.